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Literature Text
Love gracefully grows in the meadows of our hearts,
showing us our gold is in reach.
So dance in the heavens of never giving in.
In the dawning sky, I see something more,
like a door to open,
but what lies inside?
Hopefully not anything that leads to a
broken mirror,
but something that will take me,
while I never look back,
to a place where I can open my eyes
and take a breath
knowing that finally that part of me I've been fighting is gone―
not temporarily―forever more.
And all my days I live as peaceful and pure
as rain,
and my heart a freshly watered garden.
I'll never take a step backwards again,
except for when it's time to go,
but there's something so beautiful
that I can't take my eyes off of it.
There are new flowers to behold,
inside of you;
their spring is your smile
Sadness blinds you,
of not only sunshine, but also of the truth.
We've all had it, or have it, or will have it,
but don't stop there.
We kill ourselves everyday
with problems we look at through a magnifying glass;
I wonder how many rainbows we've missed.
But let me lift up your face into the light,
and give you all the love you deserve, need
and maybe without you even knowing it "want."
We don't realize how much we need to be holding another,
for without precious love
in the so many―too many hurricanes of life,
I don't know what would become of me.
Trust in the promise of life.
I want to have a story to write about;
I want to explode in joy;
I want to be in such a bliss
where there's no trace of a care.
I'm searching for the breeze.
I hope one day my tears give someone life,
whether tears of joy or sadness.
That place I spoke of,
from the doors of the sky;
having smiles,
lets see it together.
showing us our gold is in reach.
So dance in the heavens of never giving in.
In the dawning sky, I see something more,
like a door to open,
but what lies inside?
Hopefully not anything that leads to a
broken mirror,
but something that will take me,
while I never look back,
to a place where I can open my eyes
and take a breath
knowing that finally that part of me I've been fighting is gone―
not temporarily―forever more.
And all my days I live as peaceful and pure
as rain,
and my heart a freshly watered garden.
I'll never take a step backwards again,
except for when it's time to go,
but there's something so beautiful
that I can't take my eyes off of it.
There are new flowers to behold,
inside of you;
their spring is your smile
Sadness blinds you,
of not only sunshine, but also of the truth.
We've all had it, or have it, or will have it,
but don't stop there.
We kill ourselves everyday
with problems we look at through a magnifying glass;
I wonder how many rainbows we've missed.
But let me lift up your face into the light,
and give you all the love you deserve, need
and maybe without you even knowing it "want."
We don't realize how much we need to be holding another,
for without precious love
in the so many―too many hurricanes of life,
I don't know what would become of me.
Trust in the promise of life.
I want to have a story to write about;
I want to explode in joy;
I want to be in such a bliss
where there's no trace of a care.
I'm searching for the breeze.
I hope one day my tears give someone life,
whether tears of joy or sadness.
That place I spoke of,
from the doors of the sky;
having smiles,
lets see it together.
Literature
Poets should never make ghost children.
I whisper cheap metaphors
into your needy ears until, like
funeral flowers, they rest upon
the atlas of your mind. You
with your napkin love letters
and cloudy storm eyes
are the only one to ever
make my scaled spine quiver.
But, my veins ache
from consuming too much ink.
I am gagging on black blood
as it spills from your fingertips
to rest upon my lips.
You asked me once if I could read
the words carved into my limbs
like prophecies of you and
Literature
Together
Let's fall apart together
Let's die together
Falling apart at the seams
This all seems to be a dream
I can't help but think
That this all happened in a blink
Up ahead
There's only dread
I want to leave
But you wont believe
The future is bleak
I've already reached my peak.
If I died
Would you cry?
Let's fall apart together
Let's die together
With each other
We can die together.
Literature
My Masquerade
~My Masquerade~
For the world I am displayed;
They always watch but cannot see
through my masquerade.
I feel every moment fly;
My heart is beating, pulse racing,
breath held as I lie.
My innocence I can't defend;
I know that surely this will linger
'til my very end.
I brought this all upon myself;
Mask upon mask, lie upon lie
like valueless wealth.
Dare I take these masks off – no!
My former self haunts me
everywhere I go.
False glory, false honor, false fame;
With all these masks I seem to have
forgotten my own name.
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Hey, I hope this poem makes sense; I hope it isn't horrible; I hope you like it.
I called this "A Sad Piano Song" after the name of the song I was listening to while writing this.
I have some writings I'm working on, but they're not anywhere near ready; I want to take my time on them; I just submitted this one cuz I miss comments and fave!
Please comment.
I called this "A Sad Piano Song" after the name of the song I was listening to while writing this.
I have some writings I'm working on, but they're not anywhere near ready; I want to take my time on them; I just submitted this one cuz I miss comments and fave!
Please comment.
© 2012 - 2024 AleciaMaria
Comments17
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I will be critiquing this piece on behalf of
Firstly, I don't think that the title actually goes with the poem. The poem isn't 'sad' in a traditional sense. It's more emotional and melancholy - reflective, I suppose, is the word that explains it more. I can't suggest an alternate title, as I suck at that, but I would change it to something else. Also, even though you've mentioned you named it after the song you may be in violation of copyright infringement by naming it exactly the same thing as a song by someone else.
Now, the crit:
ST = Stanza
L = Line
In the first italicised bit, I am wondering if you meant 'gold' or 'goal'. It makes more sense to me to have it as 'goal', but then again you could be referring to 'treasure in Heaven' or something symbolic like that.
ST 1:
L3 - 'inside' should be 'behind'. Stuff is inside a room, but behind a door.
L12 - 'I' should probably be 'I'll' as you are now talking about the future.
In the second italicised bit I would remove the comma after 'behold' and have the line run on into the next one.
ST 2:
L2 - both of the 'of' should be 'to'
L9-10 - I would place a comma after 'need' in L9 and 'it' in L10, as I feel that that part of the piece needs to be in parenthesis.
L13 - you need your other dash after the second 'many' to complete the parenthesis.
ST 3:
L9 - 'from' should be 'with' and 'of' should be 'in'
L11 - 'lets' should be 'let's'
You have used a good combination of punctuation and enjambment within this piece and it aids the rhythm very well. You have used the italicised parts as almost a ST on their own, split into three parts, and it works well.
Overall a good piece, but I wish that the title had been more original.
Jo
Firstly, I don't think that the title actually goes with the poem. The poem isn't 'sad' in a traditional sense. It's more emotional and melancholy - reflective, I suppose, is the word that explains it more. I can't suggest an alternate title, as I suck at that, but I would change it to something else. Also, even though you've mentioned you named it after the song you may be in violation of copyright infringement by naming it exactly the same thing as a song by someone else.
Now, the crit:
ST = Stanza L = LineIn the first italicised bit, I am wondering if you meant 'gold' or 'goal'. It makes more sense to me to have it as 'goal', but then again you could be referring to 'treasure in Heaven' or something symbolic like that.
ST 1:
L3 - 'inside' should be 'behind'. Stuff is inside a room, but behind a door.
L12 - 'I' should probably be 'I'll' as you are now talking about the future.
In the second italicised bit I would remove the comma after 'behold' and have the line run on into the next one.
ST 2:
L2 - both of the 'of' should be 'to'
L9-10 - I would place a comma after 'need' in L9 and 'it' in L10, as I feel that that part of the piece needs to be in parenthesis.
L13 - you need your other dash after the second 'many' to complete the parenthesis.
ST 3:
L9 - 'from' should be 'with' and 'of' should be 'in'
L11 - 'lets' should be 'let's'
You have used a good combination of punctuation and enjambment within this piece and it aids the rhythm very well. You have used the italicised parts as almost a ST on their own, split into three parts, and it works well.
Overall a good piece, but I wish that the title had been more original.
Jo