Sta.sh
Listening to the words "Where [pause] where does it come from?"
It crashes on me like an ocean blue, heavy breeze.
There was a reason I drank this coffee,
and didn't go to bed, and let this day end unfulfilled
only to promise on the new day that I'll do better.
In this writing, deception comes to me saying I've done enough,
but I haven't! I probably never have!
There is a voice that needs to scream out,
and hands that need to be balled into fists,
though I don't know what they're supposed to punch.
Ah, my hand hurts from this writing,
just like I always wanted;
after all, I've said too many times to write until it hurts,
but how many times have I really meant that?
I need to act, lest I learn the hard way
that you've only got one life;
everyday I must be one step closer to my own promise land.
It's like everyday I get a glimpse―a small glimpse―
of what waits for me, and now I realize
that it waits for me, not vise versa;
the light at the end doesn't come to you; you walk to it;
what ever truly comes to you without you moving an inch?
I got up today gleaming with the light of morning;
I don't know what I said, but I thought to myself
that this is going to be a good day;
with my hand on my heart, I tried to be strong,
but――wait no! Today wasn't worthless;
today wasn't enough either, but there was light;
there was beauty, and something to behold.
Again not worthless, not enough.
I daydreamed as always;
daydreams of the other side,
daydreams that never go beyond that mind of mine,
and into reality;
I know I shouldn't, but they fool me everytime
with their warmth;
I run, but they catch me,
and if I ever bothered to hide they'd find me for sure.
But whatever made me drink that coffee is a friend;
I can be saved yet; I need to let it in,
and when those daydreams come it will unmask them
for the waste of time and life it really is.
I need to move on; change must happen.
Oh so many changes to lift us up;
to put us back in the fight;
to put our hands on the mountain we can someday lift.
I've been afraid to be strong; is it all because of laziness,
or is there an element of something more?
The truth is I have so many reasons/people to be strong for,
a question I wish weren't here is that do I let them down when I don't?
Must go higher―higher? Was I ever high to begin with?
Yes I was, just not high enough.
I can't just sit back and let this world revolve without me in it,
Higher! Higher! Higher! Above and beyond!!
I dream of touching those stars one day;
I must remind myself to make sure those stars have true meaning in them.
Could this be the start or the end or just another wave
in the polluted sea of nothing?
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"a question I wish weren't here is that do I let them down when I don't?"
Break that down, and you'll see the problems more clearly.
"A question weren't..."
A question wasn't.
"A question is that..."
etc.
a question I wish wasn't here is whether I let them down when I don't
a question I wish wasn't here is 'do I let them down when I don't?'
There are a lot of cliches in here, which should be avoided if you can and you're trying to get really serious about this, like "sea of nothing".
Try searching for some of these terms you use on google, with quotes- if you get millions of hits for emo poetry, consider changing them.
You really just have to go line by line on that one until you learn to recognize them yourself.
Also, there's something I can not stress enough- never ever reference modern pop culture (like anime) unless you're doing it to make fun of it, or criticize it.
That kind of thing is considered really low brow (it's OK to like it, but it shouldn't go in serious poetry). If you do it seriously, then your poem won't be able to be taken seriously in any artsy or academic circles- you'd be laughed out of a serious poet's corner if you made a habit of referencing anime, etc.
You can safely reference academic subjects and classical literature and mythology (and by classic, I mean Alice in Wonderland is even pushing the boundaries for being almost too modern).
It's safe to reference history and current events that are politically relevant (particularly if you're making comments on them).
Movies, anime, and modern fiction are right out- you don't want to reference those in a poem. The highest culture a poem can aspire to speak to it defined in many ways by what it's referencing. So, just to say, be careful about that
Could this be the start or the end or just another wave
in the polluted sea of nothing?
Nice, very heartfelt writing. I like it better than your rhyming verse. John Milton starts off Paradise Lost with a rant about how rhymes are constraining...
I feel rhymes are constraining too, but not always.
But again, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!!!
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