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:iconangelichope: More from angelichope




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Submitted on
September 26, 2012
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Will I go down like the sun?
Will I go anywhere?

Something about seeing the sun going down
makes me feel like I should feel a certain deepness;
there's just so much strength and meaning to it.
It gives me that tough love, telling me I need
to be stronger; it makes me want to break all the walls in my way;
it tells me I can but it won't be anywhere near easy, tough love again.
These are feelings and fears inside of me,
but I don't know why hard work scares as well as inspires me.

Must not have anything dishonest here right now.

I feel a change or a want for a change from
the beauty and value of this sunset;
I want it and fear it so much, but I know I want it more!
The thought of being beautiful like a sunset
inspires me and makes me nervous simultaneously,
but the fear is not huge;
I can get rid of it by thinking of the greatness of what's on the other side,
Though I can never permanently exterminate it.
What's with this fear of change anyway?
I should be afraid of staying at this place of not good enough;
that's worth being afraid of.
Let me wake up tomorrow and not have that fear anymore,
and thank the sunset for it.

I hope I do not go down just yet;
there's just too much to do.
I hope I will go everywhere I'm meant to be.
Well here it is. As the title suggests it's some thoughts while the sun was setting earlier. I know it's kinda weird, and not too special, but...I just wanted to write and submit this for some strange reason. Enjoy and please comment.:)
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:iconteaphotography:
TeaPhotography Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Professional General Artist
Nicely done, and so thought provoking! Great piece. :heart:
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:iconangelichope:
angelichope Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012
Thank you very much!!! Glad you liked it!!!:huggle::dance::iconlovespinplz:
Reply
:iconmarleme:
marleme Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012
I like it! Good work!! ;)
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:iconangelichope:
angelichope Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012
Thank you very much!!!:blowkiss:
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:iconkuudere-senpai:
Kuudere-Senpai Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Student General Artist
I like your work but if you remove most of the "F.A.N.B.O.Y.S." (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so conjuctions) and only use them sparingly you will instantly make your work more powerful.

suggestion ex:

"Something about seeing the sun going down
makes me feel like I should feel a certain deepness;
there's just so much strength and meaning to it."

---edit---

" Something about seeing(T)he sun (set).

Makes me feel like I should feel a certain deepness;

there (is) (great/important/underlying etc.) strenght meaning to it."

The point is you want to say what it is you want to say or illustrate something, in the simplest, easy and to-the-point way so the reader, (and you need to keep in mind age range and reading level as well) can best understand it and be engaged in it enough to read it until the end.
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:iconangelichope:
angelichope Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012
Hello, and thank you very much for your constructive criticism.:)

Thank you, I'll try to remember that about those conjunctions.

About your suggestions and edits to that part of my poem:

"Something about seeing the sun going down
makes me feel like I should feel a certain deepness;
there's just so much strength and meaning to it."


I respect your advice, however I think those changes could possibly make the poem kind of plain, and not have the feel and impact I wanted it to have; I don't know that if my poem was like that the readers would be engaged, but maybe your last one could work:
there (is) (great/important/underlying etc.) strenght meaning to it."


Those are just my thoughts on your thoughts; I could be wrong of course. But thank you very much for your time!:hug:
Feel free to give advice on some of my other poems if you'd like!:)
A very great day to you!!!:)
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:iconkay-march:
Kay-March Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2012
Indeed they are... beautiful thoughts around the sunset.
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:iconangelichope:
angelichope Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2012
Thank you!!:heart::huggle::heart:
And thank you very much for the fave too!!!:blowkiss:
Reply
:iconkay-march:
Kay-March Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012
You're welcome for all!! :hug:
Reply
:iconangelichope:
angelichope Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012
:iconhugehug1::iconhugehug2:
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