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Literature Text
Forgive me if I start to cry,
not knowing where my tears will land and stain.
Under stars we were.
Fresh as the dandelions we would blow on and make
wishes to.
We were as wishes,
magical, and exuding possibility, the good kind.
The world was big but not at all scary.
The world was just a lullaby sung in the arms of a mother.
We were just two kids on the roof of a car looking at stars.
You were by my side as we walk toward the sun.
I would like to believe that walk never ended,
and that it never will...but...
No, mother! Do not take us away! You will regret this!
It is not that bad now, oh, but just you wait.
We will keep singing a sad for who knows how long!
Why do the memories have to be so distant?
Why are my best days behind me even though you are so close to me?
Just a door away... so close... but not the same
because we are need of repair.
Almost everyday we walk through fire,
and almost everyday we are in a huge snowstorm,
and our talks have changed even when they are happy;
we will never get back on that roof top again,
for a lot of reasons.
Get up!! Do you have any idea what you are doing?!
I had a dream last night
that we were back to the place we should never have left.
But we were still us, this us,
and did not know what to do with where we were.
But we were there,
and walked upon our old places;
of course it felt strange, how could it not?
Of course it was sad to see that it can never be the same
and except for one brother,
we can never be the same.
But in that dream,
even though I knew we did not fit in there anymore,
I did not want to leave;
I already left home once.
But I want to fight
for a chance to extinguish the flames and melt the snow.
I believe in a different way,
we can have what we lost.
I believe our love can shine the light of happiness,
and that you can let guard down
and smile without a care to whatever you find beautiful in this world.
No, We Did NOT!!
As children how could we?!
Out on a vacation--lasting much longer than a summer one, mind you--from the world.
Oh, how we would pay for this!
but we are having so much fun!
Somebody stop these crazy kids!!
I can now hear all the screams that were silent at the time--with it's bloody echo--
and all I see is pitch black of all those daydreaming days,
nothing but black,
I trip over things,
no star to guide me.
He said I was a child.
I know I want to, but how can I disagree?
But every word he says makes me stronger
and reminds me of what I must do,
but you cannot talk forever, can you?
Which is why I must fight,
for both of us to get us back what we once had
even though we can never be the same,
but who can anyway?!!
I love you;
you are so precious to me,
and you have always lead the way.
But this time we need to both lead ourselves to where we belong.
not knowing where my tears will land and stain.
Under stars we were.
Fresh as the dandelions we would blow on and make
wishes to.
We were as wishes,
magical, and exuding possibility, the good kind.
The world was big but not at all scary.
The world was just a lullaby sung in the arms of a mother.
We were just two kids on the roof of a car looking at stars.
You were by my side as we walk toward the sun.
I would like to believe that walk never ended,
and that it never will...but...
No, mother! Do not take us away! You will regret this!
It is not that bad now, oh, but just you wait.
We will keep singing a sad for who knows how long!
Why do the memories have to be so distant?
Why are my best days behind me even though you are so close to me?
Just a door away... so close... but not the same
because we are need of repair.
Almost everyday we walk through fire,
and almost everyday we are in a huge snowstorm,
and our talks have changed even when they are happy;
we will never get back on that roof top again,
for a lot of reasons.
Get up!! Do you have any idea what you are doing?!
I had a dream last night
that we were back to the place we should never have left.
But we were still us, this us,
and did not know what to do with where we were.
But we were there,
and walked upon our old places;
of course it felt strange, how could it not?
Of course it was sad to see that it can never be the same
and except for one brother,
we can never be the same.
But in that dream,
even though I knew we did not fit in there anymore,
I did not want to leave;
I already left home once.
But I want to fight
for a chance to extinguish the flames and melt the snow.
I believe in a different way,
we can have what we lost.
I believe our love can shine the light of happiness,
and that you can let guard down
and smile without a care to whatever you find beautiful in this world.
No, We Did NOT!!
As children how could we?!
Out on a vacation--lasting much longer than a summer one, mind you--from the world.
Oh, how we would pay for this!
but we are having so much fun!
Somebody stop these crazy kids!!
I can now hear all the screams that were silent at the time--with it's bloody echo--
and all I see is pitch black of all those daydreaming days,
nothing but black,
I trip over things,
no star to guide me.
He said I was a child.
I know I want to, but how can I disagree?
But every word he says makes me stronger
and reminds me of what I must do,
but you cannot talk forever, can you?
Which is why I must fight,
for both of us to get us back what we once had
even though we can never be the same,
but who can anyway?!!
I love you;
you are so precious to me,
and you have always lead the way.
But this time we need to both lead ourselves to where we belong.
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Just something I came up with real quick. It has a lot to do with change, and how at a time things were going good and we were on the right track, but now we are much different. I hope you all enjoy! Please comment!
Questions for
would be:
Do all the sad parts, which may be most of this poem, seem dark to you?
It is hard to describe what I mean when I say "dark"
I guess I mean depressing with very deep and intense emotions, heart breaking, cold as winter and lonely.
(I just wanted to clarify because "dark" can mean different things to others)
If so, what level of darkness would you rate it: very dark or lightly dark or somewhere in the middle?
What image pops into your head as you read this?
I know this may be a strange question, but if you were reciting this poem what tone of voice would you use? And how, would it be high-energy or just somber?
What part of the poem makes you feel any type of emotion the most or at all?
What would you say is the weakest part of this poem? (personally, I think it may be the opening line)
Questions for
would be:Do all the sad parts, which may be most of this poem, seem dark to you?
It is hard to describe what I mean when I say "dark"
I guess I mean depressing with very deep and intense emotions, heart breaking, cold as winter and lonely.
(I just wanted to clarify because "dark" can mean different things to others)
If so, what level of darkness would you rate it: very dark or lightly dark or somewhere in the middle?
What image pops into your head as you read this?
I know this may be a strange question, but if you were reciting this poem what tone of voice would you use? And how, would it be high-energy or just somber?
What part of the poem makes you feel any type of emotion the most or at all?
What would you say is the weakest part of this poem? (personally, I think it may be the opening line)
© 2015 - 2024 AleciaMaria
Comments12
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This is really beautiful! 
I'm not so good at critiquing things, but I'll give it a try. 
What level of darkness would you rate it: very dark or lightly dark or somewhere in the middle?
I'd say it's somewhere in the middle, to me. But keep in mind that I might just be jaded to dark things because I read and write them a lot. It has a very definite sadness to it, but it also sounds sort of hopeful and almost kind of uplifting at certain parts.
What image pops into your head as you read this?
I don't know why, but I see a field of flowers with a person maybe sitting with another person and talking to them, or they're alone and musing to themselves... Somewhere like that maybe. Seems like they're definitely outside.
I know this may be a strange question, but if you were reciting this poem what tone of voice would you use? And how, would it be high-energy or just somber?
Definitely somber and serious, but the inflection would change a little over the course of the poem.
What part of the poem makes you feel any type of emotion the most or at all?
"I had a dream last night
that we were back to the place we should never have left."
Those two lines definitely bring back a feeling of pure nostalgia.
Also "I had a dream last night
that we were back to the place we should never have left."
And the entire stanza that accompanies that part.
And especially this:
"Under stars we were.
Fresh as the dandelions we would blow on and make
wishes to.
We were as wishes,"
That part just blew me away! So brilliant and beautiful... It's what made me want to continue reading, it's lovely. ♥ There's lots of emotion in this and you've really done great with it.
What would you say is the weakest part of this poem? (personally, I think it may be the opening line)
I think the opening line is a little on the weak side, yes. But it's not a bad one and it was enough to catch my attention because I find it relatable. I'd say you could probably fix that by switching the first and second stanza, of course it might not be the same anymore and you might not like it, so you don't have to or anything, but I think it would work. The line toward the end, "He said I was a child." really seems too specific for this type of poem, it stands out and kind of makes it harder to interpret the meaning or apply it in a personal way. That's only my opinion though.
I also want to say that I absolutely love this poem. You've really done a wonderful job and made a lasting impression.
I'm not so good at critiquing things, but I'll give it a try. What level of darkness would you rate it: very dark or lightly dark or somewhere in the middle?
I'd say it's somewhere in the middle, to me. But keep in mind that I might just be jaded to dark things because I read and write them a lot. It has a very definite sadness to it, but it also sounds sort of hopeful and almost kind of uplifting at certain parts.
What image pops into your head as you read this?
I don't know why, but I see a field of flowers with a person maybe sitting with another person and talking to them, or they're alone and musing to themselves... Somewhere like that maybe. Seems like they're definitely outside.
I know this may be a strange question, but if you were reciting this poem what tone of voice would you use? And how, would it be high-energy or just somber?
Definitely somber and serious, but the inflection would change a little over the course of the poem.
What part of the poem makes you feel any type of emotion the most or at all?
"I had a dream last night
that we were back to the place we should never have left."
Those two lines definitely bring back a feeling of pure nostalgia.
Also "I had a dream last night
that we were back to the place we should never have left."
And the entire stanza that accompanies that part.
And especially this:
"Under stars we were.
Fresh as the dandelions we would blow on and make
wishes to.
We were as wishes,"
That part just blew me away! So brilliant and beautiful... It's what made me want to continue reading, it's lovely. ♥ There's lots of emotion in this and you've really done great with it.
What would you say is the weakest part of this poem? (personally, I think it may be the opening line)
I think the opening line is a little on the weak side, yes. But it's not a bad one and it was enough to catch my attention because I find it relatable. I'd say you could probably fix that by switching the first and second stanza, of course it might not be the same anymore and you might not like it, so you don't have to or anything, but I think it would work. The line toward the end, "He said I was a child." really seems too specific for this type of poem, it stands out and kind of makes it harder to interpret the meaning or apply it in a personal way. That's only my opinion though.
I also want to say that I absolutely love this poem. You've really done a wonderful job and made a lasting impression.